5/17/2023 0 Comments Awkward radio silenceOne of the biggest is individual differences. Ready-made solutions (in the form of hastily-given advice) fail for a number of reasons. Like most things in life, change is far easier said than done. If therapy were mostly about giving advice it wouldn’t be worth much, as advice is readily available from much cheaper sources. And if any of it had been heeded or had worked, then there would be no problem. Talk shows like this may be entertaining and even useful to callers and listeners alike, but they don’t fairly represent how therapists relate to clients in the office.Ĭhances are, for any client with a problem serious enough to see a therapist, they’ve already received mountains of advice: from friends, family, and even the Internet. Long before I was licensed to do therapy myself, I loved to listen to radio talk shows featuring caring and wise therapists who would dispense short bursts of advice in response to a specific question. Second, maybe the client really is missing something important that I need to bring to their attention. First, I might need to adjust my model of what the client values, and know that those values are essential in understanding the client. Any time I spot such a divergence, a couple of things could be true. Often, what’s important to a client isn’t always what I think is most relevant. My experience teaches me that whatever direction the client picks, there’s often something worthwhile to be found in that direction. He might even just sit there, do a u-turn or start driving off-road. Maybe he’ll turn left, or right, or go straight through. If I as therapist say something at that point, I’ll lose the chance to see which way the driver (my client) will turn. A car comes to a four-way stop in much the same way that a conversation hits an awkward pause. Sometimes I think of conversation like a car trip. Most therapists prefer to let the client lead the conversation in both tone and content most of the time.īy remaining silent and avoiding adding direction to the conversation, I find it relatively easy to find out what is important to a client, and what is irrelevant. Your therapist may very well be silent not only to give you the impression that you’re being heard, but also to listen for clues to what you’re thinking and feeling that may be a problem for you. Try Online Counseling: Get Personally Matched A reserved client may feel drawn into this void and while there may be some discomfort, the value of getting a shut-down client talking is often worth it. Silence is like the tides going out, leaving a vacuum to be filled. In ordinary conversation, it is more common to be talked over and feel pushed back by a tide of words. While some clients revel in therapists’ predisposition to silence and large pauses, others may find it unfamiliar and even unnerving. One thing I hope every client gets from therapy is the sense that they are being fully and respectfully heard. Listening to some people talk in a group can feel exhausting when there is pressure for one person to talk over the speaker, and everyone is more interested in getting their ideas out than paying attention to what anyone else is saying. Sad to say, quality conversation, and more specifically, good listening, can be rare in everyday life. In therapy, many of the normal ‘rules’ of conversation are turned on their head for the client’s benefit. In fact, silence has a different set of meanings for therapists. Clients may wonder why the therapist, an expert in conversation and human relations, would allow such a faux pas. The ‘awkward pause’ also shows up in therapeutic conversation. Much of the value of ‘small talk’ is as an escape from awkward pauses. Most people take pains to avoid these gaps whenever possible. In everyday life, a long silence in a conversation can feel uncomfortable and off-putting.
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